All That Matters Read online

  All That Matters

  Michelle Congdon

  Copyright © 2014 by Michelle Congdon

  E-book Edition

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, distributed, stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, without express permission of the author, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

  Editing by: Hot Tree Editing

  This is a New Adult novel recommended for ages 18 years and over due to mature situations, sensitive issues, alcohol and drug use, and language.

  ISBN: 9781311915832

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  12 Weeks Later

  A Note from the Author

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Hey you.

  Yes you.

  Stay strong.

  Be brave.

  Hang in there.

  The dark days will pass.

  I tugged at the cold, metal restraints that bound my wrists together. My long, cherry-red hair, still drenched from a shaken-up beer can I tried to open earlier, dripped onto the white, oversized tee I’d been ordered to put on only moments ago. Red wasn’t my natural hair color; it was blonde, but I’d colored it a couple of days ago just to infuriate my mother; something I enjoyed doing way too much. The cold air blasting from the front of the car I sat in made my whole body shiver involuntarily. I cursed under my breath, thinking of the officer who’d ignored my plea to switch the stupid thing off.

  My name is Harper, with the nonsensical whole name, even I have trouble remembering: Harper Phoenix Aurelia Tallulah Hudson, daughter of the great, tight-leather-pants loving, English rock god, Jimmy Joss Hudson and American Hollywood starlet, Vivien Gardner. Some might think I was ‘lucky’ to have inherited both my parents’ attributes; as an actress and singer myself, I was born into the privileged life of the ‘rich and famous’, but those people simply had no clue what it was like to really be me. And not a single person in the world knew the real reason why I behaved the way I did…

  Alone and handcuffed in the backseat of a patrol vehicle, all I could do was look out of the closed car window into the night and watch as the dwindling bonfire glowed. It revealed the moving figures of several police officers as they rounded up the last of the partygoers that were either too drunk or passed-out to get away when the rest of the crowd had. Most people had scattered as soon as the bright, flashing red and blue lights were spotted. Why do police officers maintain using those things when it only gives people more time to run?

  I bet you’re asking what the hell I was doing handcuffed inside of a police car while I was neither ‘too drunk’ nor ‘passed-out’, right? Well, it’s hard to believe, but I’d let them catch me. For no other reason except that attempting to re-dress yourself after a countless number of alcoholic drinks was hard work, and to be honest, after it was all over, all I ever got was a slap on the wrist and a free ride home. Did it bother me? No, why would it? Was I worried of my parents finding out and never letting me leave the confines of my room ever again? Nope. My parents knew all about my antics and chose to do nothing about it. The worst they’ve done is condemn me to rehab, repeatedly, which did nothing in the end but waste their money. Oh, and they’ve paid the Police Department thousands each time to keep their mouths shut, which, again, cost more money.

  A group of my friends, all either rich or famous teenagers like myself, had thrown a beach party down on South Beach. It was a warm, summer night, so why not? We’d managed to get a large supply of booze, a big bonfire started and a DJ setup. Problem was that being in a crowded area and with the main street of Miami Beach not too far behind us, not to mention lighting fires on the beach was illegal, the party attracted a lot of attention. Not that we hadn’t planned on it getting that way.

  I was busy enjoying myself in the arms of my sexy, twenty-year-old co-star, Cam Pierce, when the cops showed. Cam and I play the lead roles in the children’s show, Storm and Alek Rule the World. Our third season had just wrapped, giving us a reason to party; too bad the cops decided to spoil all the fun.

  “So, Harper, we meet again.”

  The voice startled me at first, but I calmed when I recognized it. With alcohol still buzzing through my veins, I tilted my head to the side and flashed a sly grin to the gorgeous, young police officer that had opened the car door from the other side.

  “Nicolas Donahue. What a pleasant surprise it is to see you again.”

  His clear, green eyes watched me warily for a moment before he finally spoke. “I wish I could say the same,” he said simply.

  “Why did you respond to the call? I thought an important officer such as yourself would have far more important things to do rather than rounding up a few rowdy teenagers,” I teased.

  A tiny crease appeared between his brows; it was the only noticeable change in his otherwise-hard expression. “When is this all going to stop, Harper?”

  Aware he was purposely avoiding the question, I decided to make it my objective to torment him until he cracked. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Nicky. Why, wasn’t it you who said only last weekend that you didn’t want me to stop?” I questioned, batting my eyelashes up at him. My mischievous grin grew the moment I saw discomfort in his eyes. “You know, I didn’t get a chance to put my swimmers back on… so that means I don’t have anything on underneath this skirt. We can go for round two if you’d like.” I winked. The swimmers thing was a lie. I’d never go all the way with Cam Pierce; the most we’d ever done was some heavy make-out sessions every now and again.

  Officer Donahue stiffened and then cleared his throat. All I could do was watch on in amusement as he desperately tried to hold the serious look on his face. It really wasn’t fair that I was tormenting him; it wasn’t as if the poor guy had actually done anything wrong.

  “Harper, stop it!” he spat out in a low hiss. “You don’t need to constantly remind me of that night. You know very well it wasn’t my fault. I was too drunk and stupid to realize I was getting played from the start.”

  “Oh, you mean before we fucked in your car? What did your girlfriend have to say about that, by the way, Nicky?”

  Faster than I could blink, he pulled himself out of the car and straightened. He whippe
d his head from side to side, desperately checking to see if anyone had overheard my accusation.

  “Quit it, and stop calling me that,” he said once he’d popped his head back inside the vehicle. His expression was a little softer, which meant he was convinced no one had heard me. It was ridiculous, really, since there was not a single individual nearby. I’d known that, which was why I’d said it in the first place. As much as I loved toying with the guy, I would never intentionally hurt him or set out to destroy his reputation. It was me who had chased after him. It was me who had seduced him, after all.

  My crush on the handsome, young officer started when he saved my life, not once but twice, all those years ago. He wasn’t on the force back then, but by the second time he came to my rescue, he was proudly wearing the Miami Beach Police uniform. He was a true hero, my hero.

  It started four years ago, when my twin sister, Quinn, and I were fourteen. We’d snuck off to the beach during a storm one afternoon to go swimming. I knew it was a bad idea from the start. There was a storm; it was raining heavily and we could barely see anything. Quinn still insisted on going in the water, and because she was my sister, I followed her in. All I remember of that day was seeing Quinn get sucked under the water and fail to resurface. I’d panicked and swam around, trying to find her, despite the strong current dragging me further out. The next thing I knew, I was waking up on the beach to the feel of sharp, needle-like raindrops smacking my face and a hard, painful pounding on my chest. When I opened my eyes and stopped coughing up seawater, I came face to face with the clearest, sea green eyes that belonged to the most beautiful teenage boy I’d ever seen. Nicolas Donahue.

  Quinn’s body was found washed up on the shore days later. My family was informed that she’d hit her head on something and drowned. As a result of the incident, I suffered a huge fear of open water, and I’ve never been able to go swimming ever again. I spent many months shut away, too distraught to talk to anyone after losing my best friend and other half. My parents, not knowing what to do and too busy to step away from the limelight to take care of their own daughter, threw me into therapy instead. But despite the ongoing rehabilitation I was forced into, the reality was I’d still lost my twin sister; and no amount of therapy was going to cure that.

  The second time Officer Donahue saved my life was when I was fifteen. He’d been the one to find me barely alive inside my dressing room where I’d purposely overdosed on a cocktail of prescription pills. Aside from dealing with my sister’s death, I was also hiding a dark and terrifying secret. A secret I was too afraid to share with anyone else because they wouldn’t understand. A secret I was planning on keeping until the day I died.

  I didn’t want the secret, and I quickly developed the habit of shutting down whenever I arrived on set to film. I learned to block out everything and pretended like everything was fine in front of the cameras; like the good little actress I was told to be. In reality, I was falling apart inside. I was old enough to know at the time that taking too many pills was enough to kill you; and that was my plan. I didn’t expect to survive it. That’s when Nicolas found me. Part of me blamed him for me surviving. If he hadn’t arrived when he did then I’d be safe and happy again. I’d be with Quinn. But it was like I was being punished, made to bear the suffering and forced to live with the hand I’d been dealt in my shitty life.

  After recovering from the overdose, I took a mandatory break from acting and was thrown back into therapy, only this time I refused to discuss anything. My therapist wasn’t surprised that I was constantly angry or that I’d started rebelling against my parents. She’d said it was a common emotion to feel, but when I suddenly starting behaving like a completely new person, a robot, more like it, she became suspicious. I never laughed. I never cried. I was able to have normal conversations, which gave my therapist no choice but to cut back on my daily therapy sessions.

  To this day, my deepest, darkest secret continues to haunt me.

  “Harper? Are you even listening to me?”

  I blinked back into focus, trying to recollect where I was. In the back of a police car with Nicolas, I thought.

  Determined not to let Nicolas see any form of vulnerability, I quickly slipped back into my mischievous character; as an actress, it came all too easily. “No, clearly I’m not, Nicky. Were you saying something naughty?” To make it seem more convincing, I bit the corner of my bottom lip and arched my eyebrow suggestively at him.

  “Jesus Christ, Harper.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled loudly. “Listen to me, damn it. I’m sick and tired of this crazy game you keep playing. Just stop it, will you? I don’t understand why on Earth you go on continuing to behave like this.”

  “You know damn well why I’m like this!” I lashed out. Anger quickly filled me. He’d struck a nerve; he knew better than most why I was this way. “I’m fucked up! Is that what you want to hear? So, if you don’t want any of your stupid comrades knowing about your dirty little secret, or your girlfriend, for that matter, I suggest you take me straight home.” I kicked the seat in frustration.

  I could feel his eyes on me but I refused to look back over at him. He stayed completely silent for a long moment, before finally letting out an exasperated sigh. “I’m supposed to take you to the station this time.”

  “Don’t you dare!” I barked, spinning around and glaring at him. “I’ll tell everyone! My parents, the tabloids… everyone. Do you hear me? And you know my parents won’t stop until they sue you for everything you’re worth and they see your sorry ass in jail.” My eyes narrowed.

  His eyes locked onto mine, ready for the challenge. It was an odd reaction; he usually backed down easily, but I didn’t let him see my confusion.

  “You know what? I don’t care about your threats anymore, Harper. You were the one in a club underage. You were the one who’d dressed up so you were unrecognizable and then seduced me. I was drunk―”

  “You think they’re going to believe you?” I spat; I was seething.

  “Why not? Because you think they’re going to believe you instead?” he challenged. “You’ve caused this whole damn town a whole lot of trouble. The entire state of Florida, no, the entire United States of America is busy trying to clean up the havoc you leave in your wake. I feel sorry for your poor parents. Imagine how they must feel having you as their child.”

  I felt like he’d stabbed me with a jagged knife and twisted the blade all the way around. The remnants of my already-shattered heart broke into even tinier pieces as I absorbed each word that came out of his mouth. Before I knew it, I was fighting back tears. Where were the tears coming from? I hadn’t shown a vulnerable side to anyone in four years. I didn’t think it existed inside of me anymore but yet here I was, fighting to hold up a wall that threatened to collapse around me. No. I turned away from him, back toward my window; there was no way that was going to happen. I clenched my jaw and waited for the foreign feeling to pass.

  There was a moment of silence in the air before I heard him let out another loud sigh. “Wait here; I’ll see what I can do.” Then I heard the patrol car door close.

  I only had to wait five minutes before he returned, opening my side of the door this time. “Come on,” he said with a tilt of his head.

  With a hopeful smile, I hopped out of the vehicle and followed him toward another car―his own patrol car. He opened the back door for me.

  “Can’t I sit up front?”

  He paused and eyed me suspiciously. “Can you be trusted?”

  I nodded once.

  He nodded back, indicating he was allowing me to before pulling out a set of keys from his pocket. He searched for the smallest key on the chain and then instructed me to hold out my hands. One quick turn and the handcuffs snapped open. With my hands finally free, I instinctively rubbed at my reddened wrists.

  No more than twenty minutes later, we pulled up at the impressive iron gate of my family estate on Star Island. I gave Nicolas the security code to punch in and watched as
the automatic gate with the large, gold monogram of my mother and father’s initials, JVH, slowly opened. The motion-sensor lights attached to the paved driveway lit up as the car passed them on our way to the enormous sandstone mansion I called home.

  “Thank you,” I said in an almost-whisper, feeling too ashamed to face him.

  “Harper, listen,” he started. “I’m sorry if I upset you back there; I didn’t mean any of those nasty words. You can just be… a handful sometimes. I know you’ve been through a lot and that there’s still plenty of stuff you keep locked up tight, but you need to talk to someone. You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

  I turned to face him then. “And I’m sorry, too. I pretty much targeted you as soon as I stepped into the club last week. It wasn’t fair to do that. I know you have a girlfriend and that you’re too old for me, but I don’t know…” I looked away again, suddenly nervous that I was revealing this to him. “It sounds stupid, but I see you as some kind of knight in shining armor. It’s been that way for a long time.”

  “You’re a good person. I know deep down inside you are.”

  I turned back to him and was happy to see he had a small smile on his face. “Yes, I should be extremely angry for what you did but in reality, the only law that was broken was you were a minor drinking alcohol in a licensed venue.” His face dimmed. “And I cheated on my girlfriend. I’ve never done that to anyone before.”

  I reached for his shoulder, careful not to make it look as though I was making a move. “Nicolas, I’m sorry I’ve caused guilt in your life. If I could take it back, I would―actually, no I wouldn’t.” His eyes widened, which I couldn’t help but laugh at. “I mean because I enjoyed it. I’ve wanted you for so long and I took the only chance I had, so I’m not going to take it back or ever regret it.” I smiled smugly.

  He snorted then shook his head. “You’re absurd, you know that? Now, get the hell out of my car before I kick you out.”

  “Yes, sir.” I saluted him, then opened the car door and jumped out.